listening to the waves in puerto rico
and this is what they said…
Balneario El Escambrón, Viejo San Juan, PR (2025)
I was slowly and steadily becoming less of myself.
Pieces of who I am falling away less noticeably as it occurred, but more apparent over time in the lack of recognition of my reflection.
Standing still in Loíza, hugged by the warmth in the air, kissed by the mist of the waves, serenaded by the breeze in the palm trees, the world in which I had landed welcomed me with no words.
Welcomed me.
And led me on a search for the lost pieces through grains of sand sliding between my fingers, the placement of cobblestone in streets lined with colorful buildings of Viejo San Juan, every smile from a local when I attempted to speak their language and learn their dances.
I marveled at the art and the history behind it. I acknowledged what I was missing and became determined to find it. To attract it. To become it.
What is within me now that allows me to feel so whole? Where does it go when ‘now’ is different? What changes between this ‘now’ and the ‘nows’ I have lived in before and the ‘nows’ I will occupy later? How can I keep whatever it is that I keep losing? What creates the ‘now’ is both all that matters and doesn’t matter at all.
As I satisfy my need to immerse myself within an environment - to taste the empanadillas in Piñones, feel the honesty of La Perla, see my stream of consciousness flow through a river in El Yunque - I must also satisfy my need to detach from it all.
piñones (2025)
To know that I can be welcomed and communicate all the same in different languages, experience all that is new to me in ways of life, thinking, and existing, be completely stripped of what I am used to, how I have always been, what I have always seen, believed, known, and still trust myself to be here.
That even when I land in worlds unrecognizable, hypnotizing, haunting, or misaligned, that I have studied, practiced, and worked so that none of it can ever make me lose myself.
The importance of visiting and respecting and participating in these places can never be understated, but it is not everything. It is about holding onto everything that I am as I move through it all.
And of course there is the aspect of letting go of what no longer fits - an intentional and present act far from synonymous with losing what you lost sight of using. We are meant to embrace every new era that calls to us with love, honoring our pace with all the comings and goings, not holding ourselves back.
And not every piece from previous lives can survive what comes next. So it’s about allowing what remains of ourselves, what outlines the empty spaces of what we released to make space for what aligns, to be controlled inwardly.
To promise ourselves that our foundations will not be built within booked flights, popular photo opportunities, material souvenirs, nor the presence of others, but rather our own inner structures. Crafted so carefully and molded with the durability to withstand every journey and destination.
I listened and without words I was told how to protect my wholeness. How to go anywhere, do anything, and fully see it all and still never lose sight of all of me.
-A
thanks for reading! if you’re more into the trip logistics than my love life lessons, check out this San Juan, Puerto Rico setlist. a curated list of cultural, social, and lifestyle recommendations for your trip to San Juan, Puerto Rico.
